


Defiance

by heartshapedglasses



Series: One Shots [1]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 21:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4720928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartshapedglasses/pseuds/heartshapedglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or the one where Brendon tells Ryan to not fall in love with him, and that's exactly what Ryan ends up doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defiance

**2006**

They're alone on the tour bus, Brendon and Ryan kissing in the too tight corners of Brendon's bunk. Brendon pulls away, pressing their foreheads together. "We can't fall in love, okay?" He whispers softly. "We can't ruin everything."

Ryan doesn't know what they'd be ruining, this arrangement they've had for the past couple of weeks or just everything in general. "Okay." He whispers and Brendon's lips are on his again. He doesn't really realize what he's agreeing to.

 

**2008**

Ryan's fucked. They're supposed to be writing an album, and he's just stuck in the predicament that he had to create for himself.  _"We can't fall in love."_ Brendon had said two years ago. Ryan didn't really understand why Brendon wanted that. Maybe because he was in love even back then. But no, he's older now, he  _understands_ how this can ruin everything they've worked for. He understands how this can ruin them.

It's been two years. They've slept together, slept around, even made breakfast in the morning when the occasion called for it. It's not like he  _wanted_ to fall in love with him. And now it's a problem, because now Brendon's sleeping next to him and Ryan doesn't see his best friend who he's fucking because they're both there. He doesn't even see the person he's cheating on his girlfriend with. He sees the man he loves. He sees the person he'd settle down with.

He decides right then and there that he's not going to tell Brendon how he feels. He can't. He won't.

 

**2009**

Ryan opens the door after whoever's outside his apartment doesn't stop ringing the doorbell and it's Brendon. He's not surprised.

"Why do you wanna leave?" Brendon asks, pushing past Ryan and stepping inside. 

"I don't like where the music's going." Ryan says simply. This was Jon's excuse, and it started to slowly become his own. They're announcing that they're leaving the band in a month. It's final. 

Brendon raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, well, you write the fucking music," He says. "It can go in whatever direction you want it to go if you would just  _stay_.

Ryan stays silent. "Seriously," Brendon says stepping closer to Ryan. "We can do whatever you want." He doesn't miss the double meaning in those words.

"I can't."

"So you're leaving me, too?" Brendon asks and then steps back. "Did i do something? Are you leaving  _because_ of me?"

Ryan laughs bitterly. "We're just having sex. That's it. You have a girlfriend now so i think the appropriate thing to do would be to stop since this doesn't mean anything, right?"

Brendon rolls his eyes. "You're my best friend and i'm worried about you and what this means for our  _friendship_." 

"I don't care about our friendship anymore." Ryan says. He won't tell Brendon. Not even when he has nothing to lose. He won't. Better to push him away than to admit what he's been hiding. 

"Yes you fucking do!" Brendon shouts, patience apparently gone. "Now could you tell me the fucking truth so i can know that you're just not being an idiot?"

"I can't. It'll just ruin everything. " Ryan says and steps towards the door. He'll ask Brendon to leave. Solid plan.

"You're already ruining everything if you haven't noticed." Brendon says. "Please just tell me. Like, i don't give a fuck if you killed someone or whatever. Just tell me if i did anything wrong so i can-"

"I love you." The words rush out before he can stop them. Brendon tenses up and just stares at Ryan like he can't believe what he just heard. And Ryan knows that he just burned every small thing to the ground and he just wants Brendon to say something. Anything.

"I-Um...I have to leave." Brendon says quickly after a few seconds.

Of course. He lets Brendon walk out without saying anything and decides that he's going to move on. He's fine. 

 

**2013**

The phone call comes late at night. Ryan's not entirely sure if he was expecting it or not. He's not sure about anything these days. "I'm getting married." Brendon says as soon as he picks up.

"That's great." Ryan says. It's fine. He's fine. He's over Brendon. He should be.

"If i invited you to the wedding, would you come?" Brendon asks after a few seconds of silence.

 "I don't think so." He doesn't think he can handle watching Brendon getting married. Or even seeing Brendon in general.

"I'm trying here, Ry." Brendon says, laughing nervously. "I'll send the invitation. Look, um, if you think we can even be friends anymore just...Just come, okay?"

"Yeah."

They exchange quick goodbyes and Brendon hangs up. The invitation comes in the mail a few days later. Ryan doesn't go to the wedding. Brendon doesn't call him again.

 

**2015**

They're okay now. They're okay. Yeah, they both are in committed relationships, and maybe having an an affair wasn't how he wanted to be with Brendon again. But they're together now. It's fine.

Except it isn't. Because Brendon's with him and there's a wedding ring on his finger. Because Ryan met Sarah and he's starting to feel guilty. Because Dan is starting to get suspicious. Because at the end of the day both he and Brendon go home to other people. But he can't give up on him again. And this time it's Brendon who says he loves him. He stays.

 


End file.
